ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
