farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
