she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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