there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
