So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
