whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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