Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
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Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
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Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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