what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
being pregnant is like rehab
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
