Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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