At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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