Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.