His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
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Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy