I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
