the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
