Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
