Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
