The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
