sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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