I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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