is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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