My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize