I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
