But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
