So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
