Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
