She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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