you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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