I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
A bitchslap is in order.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
