So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
