her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
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you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize