Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
