i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
