margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
