That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
