you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
