My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
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Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
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My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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