I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
