TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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