Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
