A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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