I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
