don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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