If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
