As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
