I don't usually arrange sex via text message
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
