You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
