i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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