So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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