Having a random hookup so left but love u
Welp...herpes.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
