No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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