Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We just shotgunned beers for America
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
