It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
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Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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