I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
