At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
