found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
