I am in a vortex of obligation.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
