I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
