Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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