hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
