So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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