Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
