The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
