You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
