You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
