If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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