I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
try to milk me bitch
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
