I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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