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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  We need to hang out more often

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• (925): View more from California

  Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.

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• (518): View more from New York

  you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"

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• (585): View more from New York

  there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  it's a Wednesday?

  (419): View more from Ohio

  :)

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.

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• (209): View more from California

  Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.

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• (518): View more from New York

  I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP

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• (818): View more from California

  One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.

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