We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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