one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
