Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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