She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
