There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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